I used to think resilience was something people were born with — like a personality trait. Some people just had it, and others (like me, back then) didn’t.

But I was wrong. It turns out that resilience is something you build. And slowly, almost without realising, I did.

It didn’t come from one life-changing moment — but from dozens of small, uncomfortable choices: learning to pause instead of panic, giving myself grace instead of guilt, and asking, “What now?” instead of, “Why me?”

If life’s been throwing you some curveballs lately, you’re not alone. These are ten real, doable strategies that helped me become stronger — not in a hardened way, but in a calm, steady, self-trusting kind of way.

1. Learn What Resilience Really Is

For a long time, I thought being resilient meant being unaffected — like those people who shrug off stress and keep going. But that’s not real life.

Resilience, I’ve learned, isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s about feeling it fully, then finding a way through.

Now, whenever something knocks me sideways, I ask: What might this be teaching me? That one question doesn’t fix everything, but it softens the panic and gives me a starting point.

2. Practise Mindfulness (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

I used to roll my eyes at the word “mindfulness.” It sounded vague and a bit… floaty. But then I tried a five-minute breathing exercise one night when my mind was racing, and to my surprise, it helped.

Mindfulness doesn’t mean sitting cross-legged in silence for an hour. It means giving yourself a pause. A moment to breathe. A gap between the trigger and the spiral.

Try this: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Do it three times. It’s now my go-to when everything feels a bit too much.

3. Be Kinder to Yourself (No, Really)

This one changed everything for me.

I spent years being brutal to myself in my head — thinking that self-criticism would make me stronger or more motivated. Spoiler: it didn’t. It just made me feel like I was never enough.

Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about recognising that you’re human, and worthy of kindness — especially on your worst days.

Now, when I mess up, I try to say: “This is hard. I’m learning. I’m still enough.” It doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s the voice I’m practising.

4. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone (Tiny Steps Count)

Not long ago, I said yes to something that terrified me: speaking up in a meeting where I usually stayed quiet. My voice shook. My heart raced. But afterwards, I felt oddly… taller. Like I’d stretched something inside myself.

Resilience grows in those moments — not the giant leaps, but the small, brave steps.

Start with one thing that feels uncomfortable but not unsafe. Then do it. Reflect. Repeat.

5. Build Your Resilience Circle

There’s a myth that strong people go it alone. But honestly? The most resilient people I know lean in to friends, mentors, and chosen family.

When I started being more honest about how I was doing (not just saying “I’m fine”), I realised how much support was available. Sometimes it’s just a text from someone who gets it. That’s enough.

Quick Win: Send a “just thinking of you” message to someone today. It’s connection, not perfection, that keeps us going.

6. Choose Optimism (Without Faking It)

Resilience isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about believing you’ll find a way through — even when you can’t see it yet.

For me, that’s meant learning to hold both: the grief and the gratitude, the mess and the meaning.

Each night, I write down one thing that felt hard and one thing that went okay. That small habit has helped me find balance in the chaos.

7. Move Your Body, Support Your Mind

There were days when I felt too anxious to think clearly — and yet a ten-minute walk somehow made everything feel more manageable.

Movement clears emotional fog. It’s not about burning calories. It’s about moving through whatever you’re holding.

I’ve danced in my kitchen, stretched in my pyjamas, and taken deep-breathing walks when nothing else seemed to help. It’s all movement. And it all counts.

8. Protect Your Energy (Boundaries Are a Love Language)

I used to say yes to everything and everyone — even when it left me drained, resentful, or burnt out.

Learning to say no, to step back, to protect my peace? That was a radical act of self-respect.

You don’t have to justify it. “No, not this week” is enough. The world doesn’t fall apart when you rest — but your nervous system might if you never do.

9. Don’t Get Stuck — Get Curious

When something goes wrong, my old pattern was to overthink it to the point of exhaustion. Now, I try to zoom out and ask: What are my options here?

I literally grab a notebook and list three things I could do — even if they’re tiny, even if they feel silly.

That list reminds me I’m not powerless. I have agency. And that’s where resilience lives.

10. Ask for Help (Seriously, It’s Strong)

This one took me a long time to learn.

For years, I thought asking for help meant I was weak — like I’d failed at coping. But now I see it differently. Asking for support is coping. It’s strategic. It’s human.

Sometimes it’s therapy. Sometimes it’s a friend who reminds me who I am when I forget. Either way, it’s not a crack in the armour — it’s how I reinforce it.

What I Know Now

Building mental resilience doesn’t mean nothing ever gets to you. It means you trust yourself to handle what comes — maybe not perfectly, but with presence, courage, and care.

It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering your strength, one day at a time.

Choose one item from this list. Just one. Start there. Then keep choosing yourself in small, steady ways.

You don’t have to be fearless. You have to be willing to keep showing up.